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December 5, 2011
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MY LITTLE PONY: EYES AND HOURGLASSES

Chapter I:  "Mail Call"

Written by Diane N. Tran


Derpy Hooves was Ponyville's neighbourhood mail-mare.  When she was first hired for this job, there was a great deal sniggering all over Cloudsdale for hiring the ridiculous, little cross-eyed pegasus.  Luckily for her, looks can be deceiving and, in time, she became the best mail-mare that Ponyville ever had.

Letter by letter, parcel by parcel, she would work her way from one end of town to the other, zipping from house to house, building by building, slipping envelopes into each mail-box and each mail-slot, and waving to each pony she passed by.  Through rain, wind, or shine, she was there every morning without fail and one thing she always prided herself on was never being late and, today, she was ahead of schedule. If she kept this up, she might treat herself with muffins at Sugarcube Corner — a dozen, perhaps!

Maybe chocolate?  Oh, or raisins!

She shook her head, which jingled like a cowbell between her ears, in order to cast the distractions out of her mind.  She needed to focus on her work first.

She picked out the last letter from her bag and re-read the name and address.  She was looking forward to delivering this one all day.  Derpy heard in passing about the new pony in town and a new stallion was always news for the mares.  He had moved into the antiquated, dilapidated Old Clock Tower isolated at the far end of Ponyville.  Erected back during the town's foundation, it was perhaps the oldest standing building around — and this was his first letter.

She somersaulted effortlessly in the air and landed on her four hooves before the building.  That's strange.  Where was the mail-box?  Her amber eyes spun around in confusion until she noticed a big crater in the grass where the wood post of the mail-box once stood.  When she cantered to the front door, there was no mail-slot either.

How silly.  How was he ever going to his letters this way?

As the routine for larger deliveries, Derpy banged her head on the door and waited.  She wasn't going to leave it out on the porch for the wind to blow it away.  "Letter for Mr. Doctor Whooves," she called cheerfully and banged her head upon the wood again.

The door opened and the strangest thing she ever saw came out...

A little metal box resembling something like the shape of a dog rolled out in front of the door, whirling its radar-dish ears, as the red screen of its eyes blinked at her and its antennae-like tail moved from side to side, with a plaid collar around its hose-like neck and the word "K-9" scrawled upon its flank.

Derpy's mouth was agape at the thing.  The letter she held between her teeth fell on the doormat at the sight of this — this — whatchamahoozit!  Yeah, that was the only word she could think of to describe it!

"Greetings and salutations," it heralded in a monotone, mechanical voice.

The pegasus' eyes widened and she responded to it the best way she could:

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Screeching at the top of her lungs, she bulleted up into the air as fast as her wings could carry her, tunnelling holes through the clouds above.

"What was that awful noise, K-9?" questioned a brown-coated pony from inside the house and glanced outside in investigation.

"Insignificant data to form a reply," beeped the robotic dog.  "But the post has arrived, Master."

"Oh, brilliant!  My first letter!  I guess they didn't forget about me after all.  And you were worried, ha!"  The stallion joyously took the letter from the ground between his teeth and trotted back inside, shutting the door behind him.
Chapter I: "Mail Call"
Chapter II: "The Welcome Wagon Comes to Town"
Chapter III: "Making Friends"
---

I confess, unabashedly, that I am a Pegasister and I adore My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic! It's really one of the best and smartest animated shows to come out in a very, very long time. I really can't say which pony is my favourite, but Derpy Hooves (or Ditzy Doo) — a blond-haired grey pegasus with googly eyes and bubbles as her cutie mark — and Doctor Whooves (or Doctor Whoof) — a brown pony with spiky chocolate hair and an hourglass as his cutie mark — would certainly be in the top, uh, ten at the least and I was floored to learn that they both acquired a mass fan following.

However, the reason why this pastiche came about is because I came to be increasingly dissatisfied by the way the characters were portrayed primarily by fans: Derpy is usually portrayed as moronic. The slang term "derp" means "odd" or "silly," not "stupid" or "idiotic." Just because she has a physical disability doesn't automatically make her "retarded" in any manner. I see her as being wired differently, similar to the way Pinkie Pie is. Pinkie Pie isn't stupid, just a little unusual. (Honestly, what are you trying to teach kids?) Fans, in turn, generally make Whooves into a ponified Time Lord — that's complete nonsense! Making him a regenerating, space-travelling, time-travelling alien who drives a flying phone-booth in this universe (where magic, fantasy, sonic rain-booms, and talking animals are possible, mind you) comes off as unnatural to me and defies the "logic" established in the show. Instead, I always saw him as a kooky inventor. The flying contraptios, for example, used by Pinkie Pie and Tank the Tortoise had to come from somepony. Yes, I'll make Whovian references (because I'm a classic series fan, not the new one) only as a gag, but he's more "Doc Brown" than "Doctor Who" in my head. Despite everything said above, I do enjoy the idea of them as a couple, probably more than I should.

For those who don't know, K-9 was a loveable robo-pet of Doctor Who's originally introduced during the Tom Baker run. Rather than being a 51st-century machine from the another planet, this K-9 is the invention of Doctor Whooves who will make more appearances as the story goes on. Screw the regenerated piece of crap from the new series! Classic K-9 forever!

This story will be a collection of little snapshots into the Derpy-Doctor relationship, taking place a week after he moves into Ponyville, a few years before the main events of the series. They may not be published any specific chronological order, but I will organize them as such when need be.

(For the first twenty-four hours, the beginning paragraph was missing. It's back now. Sorry about that.)

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic © Hasbro.
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:iconanimaluvrpaak:
Critique by AnimaluvrPaak Dec 5, 2011, 12:16:22 PM
Perhaps I'm being a bit too strict. If this is the case, I'm really quite sorry, and I hope that I'm not hurting your feelings. But when I read this, I felt that there were some issues with it.
First off, the introduction was a bit all over the place. I understand that it's supposed to be somewhat random since it's about Derpy, but it has a bit to be desired. It's important to fully paint a picture for your reader when you write, rather than saying quite plainly what happened. HOWEVER, you're better at it than most amateur writers, so I wouldn't say that it's a huge problem. (I don't mean amateur as an insult considering that I'm one.)
The part where the "new colt" came into the picture was a bit confusing. Not that the reader wouldn't be able to tell what's going on, but rather that it doesn't "pain the picture" in a way that's very easy to visualize.
Also, in your writing style, you use "1st person writing," while having "3rd person description." It's okay to make Derpy's point of view without instating it as hers, but you're overdoing it just a bit. I suggest that you either tone down the Derpiness or use "I" instead of Derpy.
Over all, with just a bit of easy editing, it could be almost perfect. ^^ Your style is pretty good, and the story itself isn't bad. I hope that I've been of some help. Good luck with your writing!
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:iconprincessdarkangel61:
princessdarkangel61 Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist

mail call=courtesy call????

moronic.....

Reply
:icontranimation-art:
tranimation-art Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Professional Filmographer
I'm sorry you dislike it.
Reply
:iconrunningoftheleaves:
RunningOftheLeaves Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2013
Congratulations! Your story is now Running of the Leaves Convention's first fanfic favorite. If you've not heard of us: [link]

You have real talent, and we hope you continue the story, as well as your numerous other projects. Please come visit us in October! ^^
Reply
:icontranimation-art:
tranimation-art Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2013  Professional Filmographer
Oh, wow, I didn't even enter! Was I voted in? That's just neat! Thank you so much!

Yes, I do plan to continue. I'm still working on Chapter IV currently.
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:iconrunningoftheleaves:
RunningOftheLeaves Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2013
Excellent! We'll await the next installment, then!
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:iconnazizombiekiller217:
NaziZombieKiller217 Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012
*reads discretion* u do know Doc whooves is based off the tenth docter right? So yeah oh and K-9 made a perence in one with 11th docter......
Reply
:icontranimation-art:
tranimation-art Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2012  Professional Filmographer
No, he's not. He's not based on any Doctor at all. Fans simply associated the character with Doctor Who because he had an hourglass as a cutie mark, then Doctor Who references started to show by second season because the crew of the show listens to the fans. But, in reality, he is not Doctor Who and never was.

But that doesn't mean I can't make references to Doctor Who. Still, he's not a time lord. In fact, it's official now he's a "timekeeper" now, that he keeps all the clocks in Ponyville in sync, and I'm VERY, VERY happy they kept him this way. I made the character into an inventor/clockmaker/timekeeper who just HAPPENS, ironically, to have a robot dog named K-9. But he's "Doctor Whooves" (or Time Turner, if you want to be official), not "THE Doctor."
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:iconnazizombiekiller217:
NaziZombieKiller217 Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012
coughthedrawlersftheshowasctallysiedhewasbasedonhimcough
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:icontranimation-art:
tranimation-art Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Professional Filmographer
Not according to the interviews I've read...
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:iconmoonwing-115:
moonwing-115 Featured By Owner Nov 21, 2012
you're welcome
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